We all have to make serious decisions at different stages in life. I’m no good at deciding. Little things like choosing between chocolate or vanilla can drive me in a tizz. So it’s no surprise that I get worked up when it comes to life changing choices.
Many atimes when you partake in some form of sport etc. at a young age, you grow up with it being a huge part of your life. It becomes a part of your identity. People associate you with that particular sport to the point where it’s like “Hey, how’s the running going?” every time someone meets you. Using running as an example here! You are passionate about it, you can’t imagine your life without it..in fact you have never considered giving it up ever. And as far back as you can remember it has always featured in your life. Come rain or shine, in sickness and health, as the seasons changed, that one thing remained the same. Well what happens when – as a result of your own doing – said activity is more harmful than it is good? It’s bringing more unhappiness and hurt than enjoyment. But you don’t realize it because it’s too much a part of your identity to ‘live’ without it. There’s too much at stake to simply let go, even if you know that you need to.
That was me right there. It took a tragic event of sorts (not directly me involved, but it heavily impacted me) where I decided to take a break. I missed it at first. And then a strange thing happened. It dawned on me that I no longer needed that particular hobby anymore. My body was finally healing. I had a teeny bit more me-time in my hectic day which was always scheduled around ‘my activity’. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as I stopped stressing about how perfectly I was performing.
I am evolving and that’s totally fine. My passions are changing and that’s totally normal. My idea of enjoyment is taking a different turn and I’ve got to embrace it. I’m still me. In fact I’m learning more about this new ‘me’. If and when I decide to go back to it, I can and I will. It doesn’t matter if I have to start all over as long as it’s really, really what I want to do; not something that defines me. I still feel uncomfortable mentioning my decision and seeing the evident surprise I receive in response. It’ll get easier I suppose. After all it doesn’t matter what other people think. I’m ready to be my own person.