Another month, another fad diet! I thought I was done with fad diets. This one creeped up on me without me realizing. I’m not taking on a diet mentality so to speak… but this period of ‘finding my niche’ in eating, will hopefully be over sooner than later. I’ve went through the junk-lover phase, the clean-eating phase, the barely-eating-anything phase… been there got the shirt as they say. Then the short burst of everything rich and calorie laden in the beginning of recovery. I
assumed was strongly hoping I would transition trouble-free into a healthy diet, which I believe I do love. Don’t you dare try to take away my fresh, crispy greens, my whole-grains, my squash, my nut butter… the list goes on! BUT! My love for sweets and treats have reawakened after its long period of deprivation and oftentimes I’m uncertain what I’m craving, when. I don’t want junk all the time yet I don’t know when I do want it. Wow a lot of sense I’m making huh?
Fascinating that my confusion only started recently, once I started doing my best to remove structured meal planning and my restrictive attitude toward certain food; choosing to respond to cravings in the moment if my day and schedule allowed. A process of trial and error – it’s resulted in days that had me eating dessert before lunch, snacks instead of dinner, eating something healthy that on any other day would have done it’s job of satisfying me but on this particular day I had to follow it up with multiple snacks of the less-than-healthy variety. The last two days proved the most mind-blowing. The majority of my meals just didn’t cut it in the taste department and I’ve had to make the effort to move past it, because it’s just food and soon I will be hungry again and can eat something else. Thursday I opted to have a slice of cream cake for breakfast. I enjoyed it, but immediately afterwards wished that I’d rather had my regular oats or cereal because I was hit with a nut butter – banana longing and the cake left me feeling not-so spectacular.Yesterday for lunch I prepped a bowl of baked oatmeal only to abandon it half way as it lost it’s appeal. Two hours later I had something that was apparently what I wanted and made my tummy happy
Why is it that unless the taste buds were pleased, satisfaction isn’t truly felt?
I don’t go through this confliction every.day, but the last 2 days had a good impact that got me thinking on where I am now with my eating habits. I have a slight suspicion that the times where I eat something, discover I am more revanous than I was aware and follow it up with quite a few snacks in close succession is just that; hunger. Perhaps I shouldn’t look into it so much and just eat, well try to. I don’t eat past fullness, yet continue to be tremendously shocked on those hungry days by how much my body can take in before I feel satisfied. I agree that my perception of ‘alot’ despite having normalised to a degree, is still slightly scarred by years of ED.
I’m confident I will get through this… I guess it’s a matter of time. Anyone else on the Experimentation diet?