that you’re waiting to flip. It looks like it could be ready but you know you’ve got to give it a little more time or you end up with a good looking mess. A minute has never dragged so long before! Ever turned a pancake before it was ready? Yegh what a disaster.
I am well on my way to getting to a healthier weight. The skin is glowing, the hair is shiny.. and the obvious – I have some meat on my bones. I’m more of a joy to be around – my humor is back in full force , I laugh easily, I converse with a desire to . But I’m not there yet. I know that. My family I live with know that. And it’s ok. I’m taking my time, but I’m not falling into bad habits again. The challenge is when I attend a function or party where I meet extended family and friends who saw me in my ‘dark’ time… and here I am dressed up, bubbly and chatty and they understandably express their happiness and voice their thoughts on the fact that I ‘look so well’ and ‘am like a model. Tons of supposed-to-be flattering comments are made. Now let me just say that no, those words don’t send me into a tizz of Am-I-fat thoughts like it would have a few months back, neither are they serving to buffer my self-confidence. But when I ‘m on my own I always think that “ok they think I’m well now. When the reality is I have more weight to gain. What will I be like then?”
“Sure you think I look like a model now, but this is a temporary state. How will I feel about not being that way in the future?”
Can we just stop here and consider myself done and recovered? It would be an
easy easier way out. But then I think about all that I have to lose if I try to bail out now and start upping workouts and such jazz: I’d never get a ‘real’ healthy period. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be at peak health. If I feel so good now, it can only get better!? I probably would never let go of my body hang-ups, food issues and negativity. The majority of my stylish wardrobe (which is sized for the ‘healthy’ weight that I was) would continue to be out of reach.
Basically I can’t get too comfortable where I am. Eyes on the horizon… I am on a mission.
Back to the pancake talk; I’ve had Amanda’s pancakes for lunch again today. I’m making up for all those pancake-less years. And I guess I’m just over-excited to have a simple recipe that makes the most fuss-free batter ever. I was almost staunch on not puting the picture of mine up, because really it doesn’t do them beauties justice.