I think I come across as a very outspoken, straightforward person as off recently..I went through a period of bottling everything in, and now it’s
difficult near-impossible to hold back what’s going on inside. It may seem as I’m confident hence my freedom of tongue – and for a while I actually believed that – but at certain times I’ve noticed that my sharpness comes from an insecure place. More out of hurt than simply upset. And when it starts to indirectly influence a third party who I’m not outright blaming, yet still feeling a sense of bitterment toward..things get a little ugly. Let me paint a better picture for you!
I hold onto my comfort zones in every area of my life. I’m getting out of the eating one, but then there’s my job – I feel ‘safe’ in knowing what I have to do everyday. With my family – I feel ‘safe’ in knowing where I stand with each member; the ones that I’m closer to, I savor that delicate balance it gives life, of having them look for me on a daily basis..to confide in. I am very ‘settled’ with the way things are between us. Throw in an extra person who happens to stay for -2 months; it starts of okay..as the time goes on I kind of freak at the change in that comfortable balance I cling to. The people who I thought I was incredibly close to seemingly prefers the newbies company over mine.
Oh so I suppose she’s more fun than me. They don’t need me anymore! Fine I’ll stay out of their way.
It doesn’t help that newbie is loving my family and happily pushing in as part of us. Unacceptable! Newbie makes it sound as if he/she knows more about my family than I do, and as if his/hers opinion counts more than mine. The horrors! Let me just say I am NOT a mean person. But when it comes to my household..to the sensitive part of my life, I’d appreciate if you didn’t butt in and throw things upside down. So now this slight resentment has built up. The problem is, Newbie hadn’t directly done anything to offend me…the problem is with me! Of course my first instinct was to look for someone to blame..the ones that betrayed me by temporarily replacing me!? Only they didn’t, did they? It’s all in my insecure self. How can I blame others when I can’t cope with feeling threatened over petty things.