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A Promise To Myself

It’s one of those rare instances where I am ecstatic that I am wrong..for now. You see, I was anticipating the weight gain to be a journey of continous mental anguish, where I would despise the ‘process’ 24/7 and need to vent and moan about it on my blog every day. I was 120% wrong. I anticipated that it would take me a few hundred years to learn to ‘love’ myself. Wrong. While I’m not sure I could be a poster for self-love, I can say I am happy and confident with the way I am. At my lowest weight I suffered with my poorest body image. 

I’ve moved up 2 pant sizes…in my head I am pretty sure I have reached a healthy place..and I would have believed it, but my lack of something-very- important states otherwise. Which brings me to ponder; the fact that I’m delving into the unknown. Having had anorexia during an intregal period of my life – where all the development jazz gets sorted – I very simply, have not reached my ‘adult’ body though I am at the age where I should have. I was worried that I had lost out after putting my body through all that damage. Wrong again. Our bodies are marvelous machines, and I’ll guess that I’m having a delayed growth spurt!? It all seems strange somehow. Strange doesn’t automatically equal unpleasant you know 😉 ..strangely exciting, strangely freeing, strangely good. I’ve come to realise that I can’t and don’t want to hold my level of health to my 13 year old self pre-ED..how unfair is it for me to expect my healthy size to be the same as when I was a younger kid? I may be fashionably late, but I’m done with trying to hold onto my childhood -physically-…and comfortable with allowing my love of Disney and playing outdoors like a 5 year old suffice.


I hereby promise

…to respect myself.

…to take care of myself.

…to entertain my dreams regardless of the chance they have of turning into reality.

…to put my health before work.

to love the way I am now, and however I may turn out to be.

9 thoughts on “A Promise To Myself

  1. What an absolutely beautiful post, I’m so glad that you have proven your initial thoughts wrong about the weight gain process, and with the attitude you have I’m sure that you’ll reach that truly healthy place where everything is working as it should 🙂

    • Thank you Laura 😀 ! I’m hoping that this ‘outlook’ on circumstances remain…because we know getting to a healthy place is one thing, and approaching it with an open mind is an added bonus. xo

  2. Ahh this post speaks to me! I’ve also gone up 2 pants sizes and am slightly shocked that I haven’t panicked about it. I am in the same boat wondering if I will end up being the same weight I was pre-ED (age 19ish) or if it will be more? Maybe I’ll be heavier now that I’ve had a baby? But rather than letting the uncertainty turn into terror, I’m accepting it for what it is… and it is so FREEEING. Those are some very special promises you made to yourself. Love it!

    • *fist bump* Yay for a freedom! It’s so easy to let the fear of the ‘unknown’ take over right? And then we lose sight of the fact that what if the changes are good and making us happy and healthy 😀 .You know I love you Syd 🙂

  3. I LOVE this post! I just discovered your blog and think it’s absolutely wonderful that you’re excited about the changes happening to your body. Our bodies may change when we get older, but that doesn’t mean they change for the worse! Embrace your curves, yours hips, and your chest! Embrace them and love them! 😀

    • You are spot.on. They change for the better..but we sometimes don’t see that through our ‘fear’ of change.
      Thank you for cheering me on ❤

  4. Pingback: Thinking Out Loud #22 Brace yourselves! | pathofdiscoveryblog

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