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At blogging/life crossroads

Bug bunny - whats upimage source

I had intended to get a few ‘breaking away from the eating disorder’ posts up some time around now; significant, exciting markers of mental growth and freedom. I was eager to delve deep into no.1 on my list: “Negative Associations” in overcoming bad stigmas toward otherwise good, healthy food in correlation with restrictive times. Other than serving as an outlet to reflect on factors, I would of course be thrilled if it would resonate with another soul somewhere on the planet. I am never one to set up a blogging schedule and having no current intention to expand this little space as anything more than a personally public (<-I’m a walking contradiction remember!?) form of expression and healing…. I would not be posting without really feeling it. Maybe it’s just a passing phase – an ebbing and flowing of moods and living circumstances that I’m once again deliberating on whether I will actually be making the initiative to even start on posting anything -I had in mind- anytime soon. It seems like my brain recently has so much of room ; instead of thoughts nagging to break out there’s enough scope for musings to overlap while -I assume- I am a picture of lost calmness and serenity. Bah, that sounds like a load of bull. It would be amusing if it wasn’t the case exactly. In feels like every moment with my mind unengaged is an opening to be whisked off into some daydream, and if that happens to be when I’m outdoors in the soft sunlight (which finally pitched up today!)… hah, good luck with trying to grab my attention! Needless to say, I’m enjoying honouring my wandering brain by slipping away at free times to simply laze or stroll about, and just… dream.

bugsy!image source

As far as I am aware my daydreaming phase was lost into the toddler years!? Yet I’m entertaining every little wish in my heart, fully experiencing a sense of elation at the near possibility of certain aspirations coming to life – so to say. It’s an incredible feeling guys *gush*. 

So I truly want to say: don’t stop dreaming. Ever. It’s a profound sensation that I cannot believe I was such a long period without.



6 thoughts on “At blogging/life crossroads

  1. This is so wonderful to read! I hope the serenity continues to grow. Soon enough, all that peaceful, non-ED related space in your head will turn into room for way more entertaining thoughts. (After about a year of my own recovery, I began to note a distinct absence of bad-food-thoughts taking up my day. At first I thought, “Do I miss my eating disorder? What have I got left to think about? Turns out, there are *so many* better subjects just waiting to be visited again. Books! Friends! Adventure! It was just weird to not have the anxiety weighing me down all the time.)

    I hope you keep blogging sometimes, even when you’ve got other topics to on your mind. Your words are always nice to read. Dream on!

    • You’ve just made me smile so hard…it hurts 🙂 .
      Yes, exactly; from constantly feeling like there’s “no space” to build upon dreams of adventure (I want to go an adventure for the record!) – HUGE aspirations which would have been brushed aside as fruitless have come to life! It’s fabulous to hear it from another, further establishing it’s amazingness 😀 .
      On an unrelated note: I have taken the plunge in dipping butternut squash in Balsamic [a lack of photographic evidence though]. Despite it not being one of those fancy chocolate characters – I loved it! It’s now regular thing 🙂 . Thank you for that!

  2. Beautiful. Reading this post makes me so happy for you. Enjoy the blissfulness of a mind that allows aimless wandering and getting lost in thoughts about everything out there. We know how easily we can fall back into those non-amusing ED thoughts for no apparent reason. And that’s obviously not to say I thought you would – just stressing you shouldn’t worry about any posts to be written. Or like you should be doing what’s deemed ‘more important’ tasks instead of strolling around absorbed in day dreams. If you ever feel like sharing those random thoughts – in a mail or on the blog: don’t hesitate. Your path of discovery has let you regain interest in so many different areas of life you definitely shouldn’t feel like you had to limit posts [mainly] to ED-related issues. I enjoy any kind of life musings.

    • Oh Miss Polkadot, I am ecstatic to have you share in my joy ❤ . I agree wholeheartedly on that; it's all too simple to squash ones dreams in the shadow of the ED creeping in. Which brings me to say: I believe my mind was slowly grasping back onto my little passions and interests…but now? It's just gotten so enormous – the aspirations are bigger than me…things I would have previously disregarded as a waste of time in strongly pursuing has taken on a very real magnetic pull. So much so that I have taken up actively trying to acquire it. While I wouldn't be all that comfortable blogging about these dreams -right now- I might just enjoy babbling in a mail sometime 😉 .

  3. You know I absolutely adore you posts – but I of course understand the ambivalence about blogging. It’s so easy to tell when a person is posting just for the sake of it, and there heart is nowhere to be found. Do whatever you feel you need, we are all here for you 100% regardless!

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