Thinking Out Loud #32

What’s a girl to do when she is hit with a sudden urge to think out loud on a Saturday?? The obvious: check out if Amanda’s still got the welcome sign up and pitch up [fashionably] late 🙂 .

Thinking-Out-Loud

 

1. Daylight savings. What is it? Why is it? How is it? Oh and one more thing – why don’t we have it?

 

2. I am becoming a walking accident. I don’t even understand how it came about, but the amount of bumps, scrapes and knocks I’m getting into on a daily basis is astounding! In a period of 3 measly days I’ve managed to slice at my fingers twice on separate occasions(!) and bang my head into furniture that miraculously jumped in the way several times.

clumsy quoteimage source

 

3. Disney leggings are like a little dream come true…

Disney legging

Agreed?

 

4. I remember attesting to purple being my favourite colour all along; while it will always be close to my heart I find myself drawn toward coral these days. There’s something about it: light-hearted, cheerful, without being outrageously shocking ❤ .

 

5.  The oatmeal groove I was religiously rocking kind of really fizzled out for about at least a month now. My fabulously loaded bowls…

peach stovetop oatmeal

just lost all fabulosity one morning…resulting in breakfast going all sorts of random. Truth be told, most mornings involved these bars I may still be hopelessly addicted to. I swear I’ve been through no less than 4 batches already.

chocolate granola bars

Until I made up my mind to fix me up a bowl of banana bread this morning. Hello newly beloved breakfast!

topped with creamed cottage cheese and peanut butter.

topped with creamed cottage cheese and peanut butter.

 

6. So, Peanut Butter. Let me just come clean here alright? If I had easy access to your nemesis (Almond butter) I would not be devoting my heart and soul to you (I do love you though!) as is the current circumstances. I almost hate admitting it to myself even; but in a matter of days I’ll be receiving my second jar of Almond butter for the year and you best believe there’s going to be some exuberant joyful squeals. Humans of the house – it might be a wise idea to invest in a pair of earplugs 😀 .

Almond butter

 

7. When my elder sister confessed to experiencing nightmares of a wire loosening in her braces back in those days, and assured me I’d have them too (the nerve of her!), I brushed it off as the most ridiculous, outlandish sounding dilemma ever. Well whaddaya know? It happened just the other night. The irony of the situation had me giggling more than anything else however!

braces funny

image source

^I could relate majorly to that on a constant basis…thank goodness it’s deteriorated as I’ve grown more in tune.

 

8. I’ve done some pondering on the matter and I believe I know why I’m kind of really on a blogging backseat. Hear me out. I am deriving greater pleasure from connecting and interacting on a more personal level; whether through texts or emails – sharing an opinion with someone and eagerly awaiting their response…or in real life contact – an awareness of the expression on the face I’m conversing to…hearing and almost feeling the emotion in the voice speaking to me. It’s just..fullfilling. Do you feel me?

SMILE!image source

Share some of your thoughts with me folks!

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Thinking Out Loud #31

A headache hasn’t visited my head for ages, so much so – I’d forgotten what a pain it is. I’m taking the recent plaguing of one as a cue to release some of the mental baggage by joining in on the stream of randomness brought to you by Amanda. Thinking-Out-Loud

1. Thank goodness for a mid-week holiday is all I can say! Not that I excused myself from the office – having a good amount of catching up to play – but just the relief of a day without any calls and queries coming my way is a much-needed chance to restore my sanity after an absolutely shaky start to the week. When Tuesday dawned I was just about ready for the week to wrap up and felt in NEED of a 14 day weekend.what a week!image source

  2. I am traumatized people. When it came to work-related issues I’ve always had a sensible 90 year old brain on me…a few minutes of my naïve 19 year self surfacing was sufficient to destroy me. How else do I explain how in the world I’ve been *almost* completely scammed over the phone by some Windows technician fake? I don’t understand; me who trusts very few, sceptical of most, too occupied and “wise” to stumble into a trap. Or maybe that was the old me? Argh I just want to keel over and die when I think about it. What, you think that’s a touch too dramatic? Well, the bloody rouge managed to possess my precious laptop for a good while, because I was too gullible and impulsive. The worst part of it is the impact it had on me: mentally assaulted is not underplaying the way I feel.

Sylvester- don't mess with meimage source

 3. That is the distressing element though; I cannot get back at him who cruelly took advantage of my susceptibility. I am frustrated for letting up my guard after approaching the call with wary rudeness, knowing full well the danger of scams in business and I intended to deter the varmin hastily. But after coaxed by a few key words that impacted me as the “real deal”…argh moving on…

daffy duckimage source

    4. Oatmeal cooking methods are getting fancier around these parts. While Dad has been applauding the simplicity of instant oats, I am utterly adoring a key factor in this recipe at Oh She Glows. The procedure of cooking the banana for a bit in coconut oil before tossing in the liquid and oats is sensational. Fancier still, I went with a caramel-ly take on things the morning after by adding 5 small chopped dates along with the banana and allowing it to get a little melty prior to pouring in 1 cup of water, 1/2 cup rolled oats and a generous pinch of salt,, then leaving it to cook on low.

topped with cinnamon, chunky applesauce and peanut butter.

topped with cinnamon, chunky applesauce and peanut butter.

There is a little mindless game I amuse myself in when cooking up my oatmeal. I’ll fill the 1 cup at the sink -to the brim- and proceed to slither to the stove with exceptional steadiness in order not to spill a drop. I’ve developed into quite a veteran at the sport 😀 .

5. I just cannot take to cooking oatmeal in milk. I’ve tried again recently, curiosity compelling me to since I failed to clearly recall the last time I’d rolled with milk…  and while I’m all for the creaminess – the milk seems to mask the true earthy flavour of the oats. Not a fan. What I am a fan of is repairing my relationship with dried fruit (well, fruit in general) as per the bag of dates in my possession. Since it seems likely I won’t be getting up an entire post dedicated to it [which was the original plan]…you’re probably assuming that it was an ED fear to hesitate over dried fruit. Expected, but that is not the case. Having instilled in myself an outlandish phobia of fats, and consuming only veggies and fruits while harbouring a dominant sweet tooth meant that more often than not my entire supper consisted of a controlled portion of dried fruit or a huge bowl of sliced watermelon. Not surprising then that for the most part I am not in inclined to fruits; not because I don’t enjoy it, but there is a distinctive negative stigma surrounding it in my mind. Fruit = safe food.

6. Now that I’ve been for a good long while averted from fruit simply due to not craving it, I aim to start including more variety of dried/fresh fruit in my snacks…to try it out and see if I in fact enjoy it. I need to allow myself to experiment with eating all fruits once again without shunning them as part of the “ED history” and always choosing a more dessert-ish option over fruit without even giving myself a chance.

dates and a cappuccino

dates and a cappuccino (as inspired by our host!)

Jee willikers, do these dates not appear like cockroaches in this photo *shudder* !? I’ve been called out countless times -by photographically wise comrades- the error that is leaving the spoon in the shot. And yet, I keep forgetting – I cannot drink my coffee or hot chocolate without a spoon in!

7. This mental heaviness that has clutched onto me doesn’t seem to be have any plans in deserting, which means some action is required. It’s like… brain fog. No not brain fudge, brain fog. Very different, best not to confuse the two. Bright colours and soft materials prove to have a gently positive effect so that’s happening… picture083The polkadots instantly bring someone dear to mind 🙂 . Oh and fresh air! All the fresh air please…which I’m off to inhale right now before settling down to a big bowl of chocolate peanut butter oatmeal.     Any tips in getting through mental trauma? Perhaps I am behaving dramatically, but then I truly feel slightly destroyed. Share some thought with me! That would serve to delight me…

Carrot-muffin oatmeal bars

Another mystery solved: I know why I like to talk about food as much as I do. After being consumed in such a negative relationship with food for quite awhile, manipulating it and thus myself in order to deal with unhappiness swirling inside me like a raging monster… the elation in appreciating and delighting the senses upon nourishing myself [body and mind] with tasty food has me feeling ridiculously blessed every.single.day.

I’ll admit that I cannot “create” a recipe for the life of me and I have little to no interest in editing photos or possessing the understanding of snapping a good shot of eats. But I need to let you in on something stupefyingly cool: my taste buds are pure genius. And when I allow them to lead the way, I’m led to pretty delicious places. Approximately a week back I made these cashew and coconut oatmeal bars. The words that won me over? “reminded me of muffin tops”. Say what *eyes lit* !?

cashew coconut oatmeal barsOf course with a recipe as simple as that I failed to concoct any excuses either. These bars just won me over upon first bite… light, airy cereal bars were never my thing; I’m a fan of dense and chewy. As I munched on the second-last one in the batch -2 days ago, I was already investigating into an idea lodged up there for the next batch. Clean out of coconut and battling the constant prompt for carrot cake.. I thought why not? So I winged it.

carrot muffin bars

Replaced the coconut flakes with 1 large finely grated carrot.

Instead of cashews I went with 1/2 cup chopped walnuts.

Milk of choice was 1 cup of coconut milk.

When it came to tossing an egg into the wet mixture, a sear of doubt cut into me as I stared at what appeared the size of a pigeon’s egg. Bummer. Following intuition I almost threw another one in entirely… at the last deadly moments I bailed out at the looming possibly of ending up with a carrot omelette and went with just an extra white. I’m a smart human.

carrot-muffin oatmeal bar

The combination of flavours makes these bars incredibly satisfying and addicting all at once. So all credit of a winning recipe to the lady Khushboo, and I will strongly nudge into including a carrot-muffin twist among the combinations you experiment with, because let’s be real here…it is the kind of recipe that will be made on the regular.

Waiting is not my strong point

Along with harbouring a hot and cold persona, a love of soft fluffy things, an obsession with brightly patterned socks and a penchant for flinging nicknames at anyone and everyone (my insincere apologies if you were or are privy to it), I am a halfway commitment phobic. Ohboy will you look at that? I am getting to truly know myself a little more every day. Halfway because, as much as I am hesitant to dedicate myself – once I do there’s no going back. The very moment I grasp onto an idea, every atom of my soul grows incredibly intent and focused on the scheme circulating in my blood. Yeh, I know… that sounds like a load of…

It’s happened countless times though, situations closely akin to this morning: after breakfast I was struck with a random objective to dunk Lindt Chilli into that chocolate peanut butter dip. And then the thrill of the idea overtook my nervous system and I had to have it right then, right now. Yesterday evening I mentally committed to giving the office a spring clean today after lightly toying with the notion for awhile . First thing this morning I was flinging out the furniture and getting stuck into it. Oh and I should let you in on it; the Lindt chilli was magical swirled through the dessert hummus.

So when I felt a certain something twitching in me upon reading Amanda’s recipe just posted up today for apple pie pancakes; I knew I was in trouble.

Tangled Rapunzelimage source

My gut was waiting for my brain to give that “OK” signal… eager to erupt into excitement and hold me to my word. And why not? Sounds simple… the ingredients on hand… and the biggest factor of course: bloody delicious. And that’s judging from the photo’s alone. I promised my tummy and taste buds(?) – breakfast tomorrow. You know, breakfast just seemed like 5.5 billion years away. Who cares if the veggie drawer happens to be stocked up with fresh spinach, mushrooms, carrots etc. The grilled lemon and parsley hake fillets lost their appeal. Damn it, I wanted apple pie pancakes. I took 50 deep breaths… and got to work on dinner…

apple pie pancakes

topped with orange blossom honey, along with a side of peanut butter.

I’m gifted okay. Tell me your pancakes result in such creative shapes!?.. hectagons, pentagons and what not.

apple pie pancakes

I am almost too exhausted to delve into describing how delectable these fluffy guys were… they rocked my [neon pink and turquoise, striped] socks off.

apple pie pancakes

Tell you one thing; my belly is exceptionally happy. And exceptionally demanding… or is that my head 😉 .

At blogging/life crossroads

Bug bunny - whats upimage source

I had intended to get a few ‘breaking away from the eating disorder’ posts up some time around now; significant, exciting markers of mental growth and freedom. I was eager to delve deep into no.1 on my list: “Negative Associations” in overcoming bad stigmas toward otherwise good, healthy food in correlation with restrictive times. Other than serving as an outlet to reflect on factors, I would of course be thrilled if it would resonate with another soul somewhere on the planet. I am never one to set up a blogging schedule and having no current intention to expand this little space as anything more than a personally public (<-I’m a walking contradiction remember!?) form of expression and healing…. I would not be posting without really feeling it. Maybe it’s just a passing phase – an ebbing and flowing of moods and living circumstances that I’m once again deliberating on whether I will actually be making the initiative to even start on posting anything -I had in mind- anytime soon. It seems like my brain recently has so much of room ; instead of thoughts nagging to break out there’s enough scope for musings to overlap while -I assume- I am a picture of lost calmness and serenity. Bah, that sounds like a load of bull. It would be amusing if it wasn’t the case exactly. In feels like every moment with my mind unengaged is an opening to be whisked off into some daydream, and if that happens to be when I’m outdoors in the soft sunlight (which finally pitched up today!)… hah, good luck with trying to grab my attention! Needless to say, I’m enjoying honouring my wandering brain by slipping away at free times to simply laze or stroll about, and just… dream.

bugsy!image source

As far as I am aware my daydreaming phase was lost into the toddler years!? Yet I’m entertaining every little wish in my heart, fully experiencing a sense of elation at the near possibility of certain aspirations coming to life – so to say. It’s an incredible feeling guys *gush*. 

So I truly want to say: don’t stop dreaming. Ever. It’s a profound sensation that I cannot believe I was such a long period without.

 

 

Dedication

Dedication is…

rising up a earlier to run bake before the world awakens. I’ve mentioned my lack of fondness at labouring in the kitchen; the situation is made a little pleasant if I can ensure that I will be the only soul there making a mess.

lugging around a monstrously over-sized cast iron skillet without warming up prior. It was not a smart move on my part to whet the appetite for a particular baked goodie without ascertaining the possession of the required baking tools. I suppose a replica from the 1950’s is better than nothing!?

getting butter on my fingers. I love butter okay, just not on my skin..eeyugh, so icky.

getting raw egg on my  fingers while attempting to separate the yolk from the white. Save me! It’s a good thing I wasn’t suffering morning nausea.

chopping up a bar of Lindt 70% in place of chocolate chips. We rarely have chocolate chips in the house – blame it on the lack of the stuff in the stores this side of the world.

taking a huge risk by sticking the overgrown pot/skillet thingy in the oven and hoping for the best. That’s part of my breakfast after all, I can’t deal with a flop!

reassuring the panicky voice inside of me twisting my guts into a nervous spasm – when 20-25 min. later…the masterpiece is clearly raw. What have I done? Deep breaths woman; it’s probably down to that block of iron the dough is in.

chomping down on a -cubed- pear (thank you braces *note the use of sarcasm*) to appease my demanding tummy. Any moment now…

chocolate chip skillet cookie

Do excuse the surrounding floury mess; this is amateur baking at its finest.

You know something, it’s a very good thing that – for the most part – I lack the nerve that contributes to embarrassment. Because now would be a suitable time to feel that way: yet another recipe of Amanda’s.. the gorgeous Chocolate chip skillet cookie. I’m guessing it’s that whole “tried and trusted to my taste buds” stigma, which is why I tend to revolve around her recipes.

choc chip skillet cookie & milk

Warm from the oven alongside chilled milk ❤

Honestly, I almost didn’t wind up making it… after Mum gifted me with this before leaving me for a few days on an out of town trip

Cadbury Oreo

It’s a newcomer around these parts!

Between that blighter, a heavy supply of Salticrax & Nutella, and a stash of butter croissants – safe to conclude I am not short of my favourite forms of indulgent fare. But those wouldn’t satisfy a chocolate chip cookie-cake craving. I declared I would always choose “cake” over cookies, and I’m not going back on that statement, regardless of my natural contradictory nature. This is NOT a cookie folks…

skillet cookie-cake

A little bit brownie, a little bit cake, with the crispy edges of a cookie… to sum it up – this is perfection.

I am stumped at the correct manner of storage though. As it does contain egg, do I need to refrigerate?

Thinking Out Loud #29

I swear blog parties are my saving grace in helping me stay get on track of days [when they aren’t serving to confuse me that is]. The dates of the month I am obliged to be aware of; no late tax payments from this human 🙂 … but Monday-Thursday has a tendency to morph into one big jumble in my head. On the topic of head jumbles: here’s mine coming at ya out loud – courtesy of her randomness Amanda!

Thinking-Out-Loud

 

1. For a long while I’ve been enjoying my time in the “selfie sidelines”… you know interested in seeing the world’s selfies but assuming it as awkward for me to get into. I should take note of it as an element of my personality [re] surfacing then, this keen snap happy state growing on me.

selfie

Half a face! Awkward.

 

2. The sea of sunflowers dotting the fields announce that spring has officially sprung, yet the weather itself? Not so much.

sunflowers

A rare day of sunshine followed in quick succession by overcast chilliness and thunderstorms… not to allow our anticipation to grow too intense of course. But then again, do I really discern the weather patterns that identify with Spring? Something tells me that I need to glance back on pre-school lessons… because in the depths of my memory there’s a tiny speck of understanding that Spring is generally wet weather. Oh Mrs R, you would NOT be proud of your beloved pupil right now.

 

3. Allow me to narrate a fascinating story concerning French toast. Last week sometime I was over at Alison’s and she was linking back to a previous post in regard to… *silence*. Think, think… ah yes! Double-unders! Right?! My intention was to check if I had in fact missed that post. Turns out that while I’d been there, I had not fully absorbed the hypnotizing effect of the French toast the lady had for breakfast.. and just like that *zap* – I was bewitched people. As expected it had to happen..

french toast -breakfast

French toast topped with chunky applesauce, cinnamon, orange blossom honey and peanut butter. Rooibos tea.

So mine doesn’t appear quite appropriately “French”… in matters of taste I’d give it 5 stars though. So.good. I envisioned having French toast for breakfast for a month straight at least, but after 3 consecutive days… I awoke one morning in a lovely nauseous state; the very idea of handling raw eggs turning my tummy upside down. Wait, what? Isn’t morning nausea exclusive to expectant woman?!   

 

4. The best antidote – in my humble opinion – to ease any iffiness [nausea anyone] will be tried and true oatmeal. And chocolate. And peanut butter. And coffee. You catch my drift? Don’t ask me what drift… just catch it.

stovetop bananafied oatmeal, swirled with Nutella in a PB jar. Coffee spiked with coconut milk.

stovetop bananafied oatmeal, swirled with Nutella in a PB jar. Coffee spiked with coconut milk.

I reckon there is no emphasis required to establish just how brain-blowingly amazingly these flavours came together. Let’s discuss Nutella instead. Such a hot and cold relationship I’ve been involved in with the sugar laden jar of chocolaty goodness, it’s a crime. There was no argument when my age was limited to the single digits; how could Nutella be anything but loved?! Followed the period where the sight of the stuff clogged my arteries. In the process of challenging fear foods – Nutella was one of the introductory convicts. My taste buds were however in that explicable “healthy” stage and I quickly determined Nutella as “eww“. As off -5 days ago… my world will never be the same again: new [naughty] taste buds meet New-tella. Hhahaa, that is such a bad pun I’m totally crying.

 

5. I’ve got some golden advice to anyone wanting to delight their senses in Nutella yet finding it too sweet. Pair it with salty. Period. You are almost guaranteed to derive maximum satisfaction from it… leave that, you will probably be hopelessly addicted. I speak from experience. Nutella on a buttery flaky croissant. Or my favourite: Nutella with Salticrax. Don’t say I didn’t warn you; you believe xyz is addictive? Not any longer…

Nutella & Salticrax

 

6. I’ve been nurturing back-to-back disappointments in the turn of events regarding the last two books I had my nose buried in recently. I cannot come to terms with the ending in the sequel to Wings  … it’s illegal.

In case you're curious - that happens to be a Cho Fudge Cookie Dough shake.

In case you’re curious – that happens to be a Choc Fudge Cookie Dough shake.

Respected authors: what joy do you derive from toying with our emotions? Aahh I just can’t; reminiscing on it is bringing a lump to my throat.

To recuperate from the sadness, I delved into a chapter of another long-standing “relationship”; the Fearless series. For the past year of journeying through the books I became wonderfully obsessed with Gaia’s character… only to have every single shard of respect and love for her shattered into smithereens in [what appears to be the final instalment] “Normal”.

Fearless 31Gaia how could you!?!

 

7. Reading makes me hungry. Without fail… there has to be a direct correlation between our energy exertion and that of our characters. Because seriously, one would think I was doing the ass-kicking with them, as opposed to sitting on mine all the while!

 

8. The diet police are an enthralling bunch (I kinda really want to design their uniforms). I’ve been contemplating and… those who come under any form of “attacks” should feel very honoured. Think of it this way: it must mean you’re an extremely important figure in society if your impression on any diet effects the reputation of it worldwide. I mean, why else would there be such drama surrounding what a human chooses to EAT for goodness sake!?

 

9. Are you still around?… tell me what’s on your mind!